Following

 

My mother died in December, but from somewhere she still seems to follow my blog.

When I first started my blog, I thought I would—could—say anything. But being honest and vulnerable was harder than I expected when my mother became a follower. It was far easier to have strangers read my words than my mother. The irony was that I always wanted to be close to my mother. I wanted a mother who asked about my thoughts and my love life. But this was not how my mother was, at least with me.

My mother death was sudden, though her health had been poor for a while. I am still feeling the raw edges of her passing. And I still keep her number in my cell phone, not that I expect her to call, but how can I remove her from the most important list of names I carry? And now, seeing she is still following my blog, how can I not keep posting? How can I give up hope that the words I am afraid my mother will read, she will somehow read anyway, and that in spite of her need to keep a distance and my fear of being seen by her, something good will come of it?

My mom had a really big secret! It shocked us all, though our aunt and uncle both knew, all the older generations knew. Like most secrets, the longer she avoided telling us the harder it seemed to be to tell us. I understand so much more about my mother that I couldn’t comprehend before and I am still hoping my mother and I will move toward a relationship with more intimacy. I would like to be following her and hearing her thoughts and feelings. I don’t expect her death to stop us from a having a growing understanding or closeness.

One setback may be that since she died, the ringing phone just doesn’t have that same insistent tone that forced me to answer, no matter what I was doing. Quite possibly, Mom and I are going to have to find another way to communicate.

Road Trips and the Joy of not Cooking

On a recent visit with my Mother she showed me this photograph.

When my Mother was young, her family moved from Sherman, Texas to Hilt, California. (If you've heard of Hilt, it would be a surprise. It was one mile south of the Oregon border on I-5. Hilt disappeared, and now it has somewhat come back. It would also be a surprise if you've heard of Sherman, Texas.) There were other family members that moved to the Hilt area, but most of my grandparent's family stayed in Texas and Oklahoma. So in this picture above my grandparents and their three children aged 10 - 14 and my great aunt Mary and uncle Raymond and their daughter, Linda who was about 4, are driving from northern California to north central Texas for the Blankenship family reunion in 1950. So there were eight people in the car! I love the pile in the rack on the top of the car. Cars were so big then, and Mom says Linda slept in the back window during the drive. Long road trips have been genetically inherited from both sides of my family. And Bill seems to have the bug, too. His mother, Alma, has driven out to visit us from Illinois every year!

My own road trips have largely been up and down I-5. For a long while there were regularly irregular trips to San Francisco for the Book Arts Fair at Fort Mason. A few of these I took with inspiring book artist, Mare Blocker. Our first trip down together we went to the Sanrio store, where Mare had told me you could always get your picture taken with Hello Kitty. Several purchases were also made.

Going to San Francisco and getting silly pictures taken seems to run in the family. This was taken at Playland on the Beach, a large 10 acre amusement park. These are my Grandparents about 1955.

This is my Mother on the right and her Aunt Mary (rumored to have married five times, and unfortunately widowed every time) on the left.

Taking road trips and finding great food is the best. I would love to have everyone write back and tell me where and what to eat when I am on the road. ANYWHERE! But I want it to be REALLY REALLY good food.

My recommendations:
Seattle -- Paseo in Fremont. The pulled pork plate with rice and beans and salad. La Spiga on Capitol Hill. Get the lasagna or the minestrone soup. Sunlight Cafe in Roosevelt. I love the nutburger with cheese and a side salad with tahini dressing.

Olympia -- Trinacria, a Sicilian restaurant. The lasagna and the pizza and the salad dressing. Divine. Old School Pizza, the olive and mushroom is my favorite. The Bread Peddler has great sandwiches and soups and of course, treats.

Portland -- Pearl Bakery. I love just about everything here, but always have to get the chocolate panini.

Near Cashmere, Washington -- D'Anjou (a bakery). Buy anything and everything and eat it all yourself.

San Francisco -- Three Seasons, a Vietnamese restaurant in the Marina District. Try anything for the main course, but then the fried bananas and coconut ice cream for dessert. This is a must eat place.

Sanibel Island, Florida -- Trader's has the best crab cakes on the island, I know, I tried them everywhere (that's where the driving comes in). For a very nice dinner out go to Thistle Lodge. I had the best snapper. Thanks Annie and Bill!

Somehere in New Mexico, Kathy Kuehn drove us for 3 hours to have the best burritos or tacos with Hatch green chilis. I don't remember where it was, but it was on the way to visit Clifford Burke. Kathy always knows where to eat and where the best pie is.

This is why eating at people's houses is not always the best idea.

In January and February I will have many trips to Portland and in February another trip to the Medford, Oregon area. I think late spring or early summer we will take a trip to Montana and Colorado. And any place north of Seattle between there and the border? Please, please, please, tell us where and what to eat or where to have a silly picture taken!

Inspiration, Imagination, & Isolation

Grandma Alice and Grandpa William. Grandpa died before I was born.

I feel so lucky to have had such a wonderful maternal grandmother, Alice Blankenship. She was always a part of our lives and when she died it was a huge loss. From a young age I can remember my grandmother giving me plants to grow. Her house was full of plants. It was also full of an unimaginable number of dishes - more than would fit in the cupboards! Her kitchen counters were covered with clean, stacked dishes. Grandma was one of those depression era survivors who saved every newspaper and article of clothing and broken chair, because you just never knew! It sounds messy, but I remember her house as being very clean. She lived in the desert in a rickety house at the bottom of Bear Mountain - a perfect fairy tale grandma house.

My cousin and brother with the famous blue pickup in front of our house.

We called Grandma Alice "Granny-in-the-blue-pickup." Yep. That was her name. It was so she would not be confused with our cousin's other Grandma. How this all started, I have no idea, but that's who she was. She had a big old blue truck with a push starter on the floor and a long bent shifter and round gear knob reminding me of a one legged spider. The passenger door flew open when turning corners, so us kids had to sit in the middle, or the driver's arm had to bang across our waists to hold the door closed during the turn. Life was exciting at Grandma's!

Grandma visiting. I am in the red blouse sitting with my cousins who would be going to live with our Grandma in a few years.

In particular I remember a lemon tree growing in a milk carton I brought back from her house in Black Springs, Nevada to plant in our front yard. I was about eight years old. It died after a few months. I probably over watered it. I treasured every single thing my Grandma gave me, so it was distressing that she would keep giving me plants, and they would keep dying. Around the age of 12 Grandma gave me a Christmas cactus. It lived, but didn't bloom. Everything else kept dying. The fall of my 15th year we visited Granny-in-the-blue-pick-up (now driving a blue station wagon) in the hospital. She had breast cancer and had already had a mastectomy a few years before. When Grandma and I were alone she told me I had to take all her house plants home. This astonished me. It meant she was dying and it meant she trusted me to care for them. I couldn't take it all in. I said no, but Grandma said yes. A few months later my Grandma died and my mom went without us to the funeral. I was disappointed to miss the funeral, but the up side was Mom came home with the entire car packed with Grandma's plants for me! If we had been in the car there wouldn't have been room. Somehow Mom got these plants through all the agricultural check points. It was some kind of miracle. The Christmas cactus also bloomed that winter for the first time.
This is how the love and caring of plants grew in me, through my Grandma. Since her death, plants have been a part of my life in a very conscious way. One summer about 10 years ago one of my nieces was visiting. I was showing her all my favorite Seattle places. One of them being the arboretum at Volunteer Park. When I asked my niece if she enjoyed the outing she said yes, it was okay, but she didn't worship plants like I did. This statement shocked me. It was the first time I saw this aspect of myself through someone else's eyes. Of course my passion isn't going to be everyone else's passion, but these were plants and flowers! And I wouldn't say I worship them, though I could see how it would look like that to a young person.

Plants have been a powerful connection to my grandmother. I believe she somehow gifted to me the ability to care for them without killing them. By the time I graduated highschool I had 115 houseplants in my bedroom alone. I had herbs growing outside in the yard, and I was beginning to dabble in plant medicines. I had taken horticulture in high school and decided I wanted to be a botanical illustrator when I grew up. I didn't become a botanical illustrator in the usual sense, but as a book artist, plants have been my primary inspiration.

The 'May Day' of May Day Press comes from getting my first printing press on May Day. Already I was making paper things and had a business name of May Day - because May Day is my birthday! It has always been a favorite holiday celebrated with May poles and baskets (plants and flowers). I had actually decided to change business names with the introduction of printing into my work - but getting my press on May Day seemed a sign I should keep the name.
Here I am on my fourth birthday with my May Pole cake my mother made me very year until I played with the plastic decorations to death, ruining them for future cakes..

And on my 28th birthday with friends in the rain, still making May Poles and May Baskets.


The first thing I felt I had to do was make a book dedicated to my Grandmother. This book is called "Book: A Cherokee Primer." My Grandmother is Cherokee from her father's side and I wanted to honor my Grandmother and our lineage which I feel infused so much of the ways of my Grandmother. "Book" is about the creation of the written Cherokee language by Sequoyah with images titled in both English and Cherokee. Alisa Golden was kind enough to feature this book in her publication "Unique Handmade Books" published by Sterling 2001.

Initially I thought my letterpress work would be more about printing poetry chapbooks, but somehow I just kept creating things to honor people, like my fabulous English teacher Vince Wixon and his poetry. Then there was another Cherokee book, a creation myth. Then the books about plants, seeds, and flowers begin to spill forth. The studio became the place to take my passion and honoring of the green world and create. The botanical artist in me came to be!
"The Science & Spirit of Leaves" - Cherokee plant medicine wheel (above). A photo of the flip side of this book was published in "500 Handmade Books" 2008 Lark Books.
And of course I had to make a hand painted, hand cut, origami, letterpress printed May Basket for my May Day Press 10th anniversary in 2002!


Of course I couldn't do this if I didn't stay skin to skin with the plants. The plants have taken me marvelous places. About 7 years ago they took me into sacred geometry, and from there into the constellations of stars and the orbits of the planets. How this happens I am not sure, I just keep delving into plants through time spent in nature, books, and sharing with other people. Studying sacred geometry has been a deepening that has begun to infuse my studio work, much as plants always have. So you will see more of that in my work. Plus, the plants continue to be my teachers, and who knows what will come next!

"Venus" a broadside about the mythologies of Venus and how they relate to the physicalness and geometry of the planet in relation to Earth.

So now you all know why I make the things I do, have the garden/plant subscription, and appear to worship plants. This is all to tell you I will be going on a retreat into nature, into the woods for 8 days and 7 nights. I will be on a limited fast. This will be my last post till after I return. This is not my average camping trip (no chocolate, camera, bathing, or socializing). This is a time of quiet meditation and retreat from the consensual world. It is a time to be away from the habits, needs, and noises of my daily life and just be in the woods with the plants, the sun and rain, and I hope, the stars. We'll see what I can make of it.